


sound the bugle now

by Agentpeggicarter



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Death, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Post-World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-29
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-17 19:18:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4678301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agentpeggicarter/pseuds/Agentpeggicarter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You (Bucky's sister) deal with death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	sound the bugle now

You remember the day Steve came home to tell you the news about Bucky. It was a cold morning, the wind providing a sharp bite to the air, making you wish you were curled back up in bed. When the little kid from Brooklyn showed up on your doorsteps, all grown up and ten inches taller than what you remember, you thought it was going to be a good visit, especially since you knew Bucky was going to tag along.

Except Bucky wasn’t there.

Steve tried to be respectful and let you down gentle with the news, but somehow you already knew, a sick feeling that had settled into the pit of your stomach a couple days ago, something you couldn’t shake. He choked up halfway through and you knew, in that moment, that you would never see your baby brother again.

The news was shocking to say the least. At first you didn’t believe anything coming out of Steve’s mouth. Dead? Bucky? No, you got it all wrong, our Bucky couldn’t be dead. Then Steve started telling you about his death, details only the leader of their unit would know.

You briefly remember collapsing into a chair wondering how your baby brother could be dead. It was such a hard thing to grasp since he was so full of life and so caring of the man sitting in front of you. The two were a pair and didn’t go anywhere without the other, now one had to walk alone.

Steve still talked about what Bucky did before he died, which was saving his life, you may have smiled at that, but you couldn’t remember. Bucky was always saving this boy's life and he did it till the end of his. It wasn’t fair. Steve still went on about Bucky, either to make himself feel better or you, you couldn’t decide, but you weren’t listening anyway.

_Dead? Not Bucky, not my brother._

_Fell to his death? How?_

_Saving you?_

You knew that Steve was hurting just as much as you, if not more since the two of them had been inseparable since the day they met. They fit together so well, it was strange to have on sitting at the table without the other hollering from the other room. You knew how much pain he was in, but at this moment your pain felt bigger, it seemed to consume you, and for once in your life you weren’t concerned for Steve Rodgers.

“Why?” You finally croak out. The first thing you said to Steve since he’s shown up on your doorstep.

Steve stared at you confused. Why was a very broad question. Why was Bucky dead? Why is he the only one not alive? Why, why, why?

You look at the man you considered your other brother without the warmth you once found in him. “Why did you do that to him Steve? He did this for you.” You exclaim suddenly standing. “He wanted to make you proud of him because he knew how much you wanted to join. He joined so that you didn’t have to. Bucky never wanted to fight; he wanted to protect your skinny ass. It. Was. All. You.” Each word was empathized with a jab to the chest, striking the point home.

Steve watched you, understanding the anger you threw at him and he accepted it. He deserved everything you threw at him, all the words you yelled at him. No one was beating Steve Rodgers up more than he already was, but he knew you. He grew up under the same roof as you and knew that you weren’t mad at him, you were just mad at everything. Steve understood, he was upset to and as he watched your features, he noticed you lip tremble before the tears made their way down your face.

He wraps his arms around you and pulls you toward him, till your clutching him for dear life, and you finally let loose the sob that’s been building in your chest since Steve told you the news. You cry like you just lost a part of you, but it was only a brother, your twin. There was no life without him, he was part of you, part of everything, part of him was in your DNA. You cried till you couldn’t cry no more and your eyes were red. Yu cried till there was nothing left in you to cry and you were exhausted.

Steve allowed you to cry, he held you, knowing all the pain you felt because he felt it too. Your cries though hurt worse than he ever thought they would. Each sob was like a punch to the gut leaving him breathless. It hurt watching you be in so much pain without anything to help ease it. It was such a heart breaking sound, Steve didn’t know what to say to calm you down, so he let you cry as he rubbed small circle on your back, hoping that would sooth you.

Sadly Steve couldn’t stay long and left you once again in an empty house that felt too big for the first time. You mourned for you brother and took each day as it came, hoping that one day you’d wake up, it would all be just a bad dream. You still kept in contact with the Captain, a hard thing to do when he’s fighting a war, leaving you to correspond with Agent Peggy Carter.

You met the Agent for the British Military at Bucky’s funeral and the two of you hit it off fairly quickly. She loved you sass and you loved her lipstick, quick remarks, and hair-do; together you were a pair of trouble makers.

Peggy was the reason you managed to start accepting Bucky’s death. Sure it hurt like hell half the time, and some days were better than others, but you were a survivor and not the only one who lost a love on to this war. When you realized that, you stopped pitying yourself and started to do something. You need a purpose in your life, so volunteered at the local hospital helping wounded heroes, hoping by staying busy you would stop thinking about your brother.

What you didn’t expect was a telegram from Peggy a couple months after Bucky’s death, telling you that Steve was gone. Another blow to your already crumbling structure. Losing one brother was hard enough, but losing two? You didn’t know how you’d spring back from this one.

You were alone. No one would swing by the apartment randomly to grab something to eat before heading back out to cause trouble. No more laughter to echo around the room or the sound of bodies hitting the floor as the boys wrestled. Silence would be your only company.

You stood in you apartment with the telegram clutched in your hand and found that the apartment was suddenly too big and too quiet. How could you stay here, a place that had more ghosts in it than living people.

Every day after that telegram was a fog. You don’t remember what you were doing before Peggy appeared at your doorstep. It was all a blur of crying and just lying in bed. You barely left the house and the hospital was all but forgotten at this point. When you heard the knock you briefly wondered if it was your landlord asking for this month’s rent, something that was becoming harder to do without the help of the boys. You weren’t ready for company and was still in your dressing gown, when you went to answer the door. Who did you have to impress anyway?

“Peggy?” You exclaim startled to find the Brit on this side of the pond. “What in the world- come in.” You grab her bag and all but pull her into your apartment before enveloping her in a hug.

Peggy was hesitant at first, but soon had her arms around you, clinging to you as if you were the last stable thing in this crazy world. You probably were too, Peggy knew more loss than you did, but she still managed to stand strong like it never bothered her. Except for this one.

Peggy Carter is a strong woman, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, but when the greatest person you’d ever met does something heroic by sacrificing themselves for the greater good, even the strong break. You felt her body shaking against yours and when you pulled at you noticed she was crying and so were you.

You silently grab her hand and guide her to the little kitchen where you put a kettle on the stove for some tea, something both of you needed. Peggy takes the empty seat at the table, and looks exhausted something you’ve never seen on this woman.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back here, I would have grabbed all your favorite foods and prepared a room for you.” You ask.

“I didn’t expect to be here to be honest and with everything you’re going through I didn’t want to be a bother.” she murmurs.

You sit across from her and take her hands in yours and give them a reassuring squeeze. “I’m so sorry Peggy, I know how much he meant to you.”

“We were going to go dancing…” she mumbles.

“I don’t -”

“He promised me he’s take me dancing for our date. Told me he’s have the band play something slow because he can’t dance, he didn’t want to step on my -” she breaks off there the tears making their way down her face.

You allow her to cry and start to pour some tea, a simple lavender and honey tea that should calm us down. You set the mug down in front of her and watch her fingers snake around the cup, relishing the warmth.

“Steve isn’t a horrible dancer. He’s not the best, but he’s not the worst. I’ve danced with the scrawny kid from Brooklyn and let’s just say you’d lead more than that kid ever did.”

Peggy chuckles at that.

“After you guy’s exper…- helped him and he grew like five inches, he still didn’t know how to lead. I had to teach him with the help of Bucky of course.”

“No?” Peggy asks shocked.

You nod. “Oh it happened, apparently there's this dame he wanted to impress.”

“You know Bucky always talked about you.” Peggy says, changing the topic.

You shake your head. “I didn’t actually. My brother isn’t one for talking and if you haven’t noticed he didn’t talk about the war much when he came home. He wanted to keep me in the dark as much as possible.”

“Well, he always spoke very highly of you.”

You roll your eyes. “He would since I’m older than him and bailed him out on more than one occasion.”

“He said that you’re only older by like a minute or two.”

You laugh at that. “He would.”

The night goes on like this, both of you reminiscing about the men you lost and how much you loved them. You laughed at old stories you remember of your childhood with Bucky and Steve and soon had Peggy in stitches too. It was the first time in a long time you remember laughing this hard and you could imagine it was the same for Peggy.

At some point, long after the tea had gone cold, you pulled out the small photo book you had of your family. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to make them come alive for one more day.


End file.
